Nothing to talk about

Seems strange, now that I am home, I have bugger all to blog about!

I haven't blogged for ages. I have little to say. And with that, here follows a diatribe.

I know I need to put my week in Wales onto the blog. I'll catch up eventually. It's on my "to do" list. In fact, this week, I am feeling slightly overwhelmed by my "to do" list. It is growing daily and I am ticking little off. Some highlights are:

- get a job; have a huge ebay sale; get fit; clean entire house top to bottom; rebook South Africa; sort out finances; mum's house move; organise paperwork in office; sort computer out (more on that later; do some online courses; organise my leisure time; pick up volunteer opportunities; update Blog from old travel journals; do HR1 exam (Boring Financial services stuff); etc. etc.

I don't know where to start. I am reverting to bubble behaviour where I spend my time absorbed in nonsense on the internet rather than taking positive actions in my real life. It's so much easier. Short term, that is. Meanwhile, shit is piling up. Apologies for my language.

Actually, I have achieved a couple of things this week. I have finally sorted my photographs on my laptop. I managed to acquire about 5 copies of each, all in different folders, in two different drives. My C drive was full and crying out to be released of some gigabytes. My D drive was full of duplicate stuff. I think it is in a much better state now. I just hope I haven't erased anything important! Or downloaded anything evil (I pulled some Laptop Cleaner stuff off the internet).

I can't use Dad as an excuse for my bubble behaviour - I've been like this before, notably when first on garden leave from Pru. It's like I don't know what to do with all this time I have... I'm better with a deadline, LOL.

I was looking at some photographs of Christmas 2006 this morning... Dad was on them, smiling, chatting, tucking into his lunch. Hard to believe that almost exactly six months later he was dead. So even more reason not to sit around squandering valuable time, eh?

So, I will stop wallowing and get back to my "sorting the bedroom out" task.

A couple of "Dad" things

This is an email sent to my sister from the son of mum's best friend in Los Angeles. It is very moving. Mum's friend passed away two years ago.

I'm very sorry for you and your family's loss. Your dad was a great man, husband and father. Although it is a great loss, we have all been lucky to know him and your family. My mum and dad have held your family in the highest esteem and they have been great friends for many years. I know life doesn't seem fair right now but keep this in mind: you were lucky to have a great dad who became a great friend to his kids. If you look around there are not many as fortunate as you. You have been a great daughter to him and that as we all know is the greatest reward to any parent. I love your mum and dad and thank them for the joy they brought in their friendship to my family and it will never be forgotten. Take care of your mum; she is a very special lady. All our love.

There is a lady (Jac) who posts on the Macmillan Cancer Support site. She's going through a tough time as her husband has recently found out he has cancer and she writes about it in such a beautiful, eloquent style. She can also be very funny. This section of one of her posts (about creating and cherishing memories) really hit home with me... I read it last night and wanted to reproduce it here, as it sums up how I have felt about things but wasn't able to articulate!

I watch life through eyes that I didn’t know I had, each small thing becoming an immeasurable moment, filed to my memory.
It’s not the big things, no grand gestures, just kissing the children goodnight, a smile across the table, walking around the garden, sitting in the play park, hot breath beside me in bed, listening to the pipes creek, I wish I could have seen and heard no felt all of this such a long time ago and not have wasted so much of our lives on things that really didn’t matter.
My life, as is yours, is with the person we love so much, that we don’t want to miss a moment.
Like watching an unbelievable sunset, daring it to stay all night, but knowing it will fade. There is an uneasy peace, and yes I really do think it’s our bodies compensating. Like the blind man who develops amazing hearing. Our senses are now so finally tuned it takes so little to make a memory.
I hope that whatever your and my outcomes may be, that we can remember all of these, holding them close just in case we need them.
I don’t, though I hate it, want to change what has happened to us!

I've been re-reading some of the emails I got from friends while Dad was in his last week, and after he passed. The sentiments are so lovely. But even more so, it has got me thinking about the power of positive thought and of prayer. I had people across the world, most of whom I have never met, sending their prayers and good thoughts to us as a family. At one point, I felt well, something is surely helping us get through this time so peacefully. Was it the energy in those thoughts and prayers? Who knows.... but I choose to think that it contributed. After all, if we can't believe that, then what is the point of even bothering to think about people in their times of trouble?

Sychnant Pass and a rainy end to our trip

Woke to teaming rain. No surprise really, as it was forecast. However, that gorgeous red sky last night made us a bit hopeful.

No idea what to do.

Don't fancy getting wet.

Got up late. Sat watching golf on tv.

Drove to Sychnant Pass and were amazed to see the beautiful wild ponies. So calm and not at all bothered by us. We followed them for ages (in the rain).

We ended up back in the caravan early.

Lorraine, Paul and Emily arrived this evening for an overnight stay. We drove up to the Groes Inn for dinner. Very good food, but HUGE starters. We enjoyed it a lot - looks like a good place to stay and definitely one to note for future reference.

Tomorrow we drive home - after a very nice week.

Snowdonia

Today we left at 9.20am for a day out in the depths of Snowdonia. We headed to Llanberis which is the start point for the easy walk up Snowden and also home of the Snowden Mountain Railway. You've guessed it - we took the train.

It was a beautiful day and so quite busy here. We booked on to the 11.30am train and then went for a walk around the top end of Lake Padarn. Nice, peaceful place. Got the train. Roy moaned about

a) the standard of the carriage and

b) that it is currently only going 2/3rds of the way up the mountain due to building work at the top.

Never mind - it is a stunning journey up - fabulous views. Beautiful foxglove line the railway tracks.

Funny though, when Roy reminded me that in Canada we went twice and three times as high up in Banff and Jasper.

After the train trip we ate our lunch and took a stroll into the High Street. It was deserted - I bet it's a different story at weekends. We got an ice cream and then headed by car across the stunningly beautiful Llanberis pass into Bedgelert. We didn't stop, but kept driving all the way home. We wanted to have a nice chill out in the sun on our deck, but of course the sun went in just 10 minutes after we sat down.

At 8pm we set off for the Queens Arms - in a small village near Penrhyn Bay/Rhos. Nice place, not cheap but pretty good grub. A beautiful sunset tonight - we missed most of it but caught the afterglow - so we drove back the scenic route. Check out my first Blog Video at the bottom of this page!

Sunset, TV, Baileys and bed.

A full day on Anglesey

Today, we've decided to drive around Angelsey. We sort of had the impression that this would take about half a day. We set out late (by our standards) - at 10am. We crossed the Menai Bridge and then parked up and walked back over it. It's a bit overcast this morning.


We drove to llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch. The longest place name in the world (and yes, I googled it and then cut and pasted the name). Well we had to get the tourist photo! Actually I was too lazy to get out of the car so the photo is pretty awful!


Then we moved on to Foel on the south of the island. We could see over the Menai Strait to Caenarfon from here. A lovely smell like lavendar wafts through the car every now and then but I have no idea where it is coming from.


We followed the coast road as far as possible, stopping at a beautiful secluded bay just after Treaddur on Holy Island to eat lunch. Then we stumbled across South Stack - sea cliffs with a dramatic outlook and a lighthouse on a cliff with thousands of birds. I couldn't tell what they all were but apparently there are some rare breeds here.













The weather by now was fantastic, albeit windy on the cliff. Next we drove round to the top of the island and stopped at two tiny but lovely harbours - Carnaes and Moelfre. We bypassed Amlwch - even though it is in the guide books it didn't look that great.










Quick stop off at Benllech Bay (where we'd visited as children) and then the drive down to Beaumaris. We were amazed to find that we didn't hit Beaumaris until 5pm. What a gorgeous place. Strolled about (shame that the shops weren't open) and then headed back to the Britannia Bridge and home.









We were out early tonight, as we had tickets for a concert in the Trinity Church in Llandudno. So we decided to get fish and chips and eat them on the West Shore - great idea, apart from the swans and seagulls wanting our food, too. The concert was awful. 50+ year old women with 1980's hairdos and glasses trying to be Roxy Hart!

We left at the interval. Unfortunately we were not the only ones. Came home and ate chocolate instead of hearing Act 2.

The road to Betws-y-Coed and back

Woke at 8...feeling a bit off colour. Getting a cold?

Weather changeable but only light showers with plenty of sun in between.

Decided to head inland and do the Conwy Valley - there are two roads either side of the River so you can drive down one way and back the other. The "B" road was nicest... we passed through several small villages until we stopped at Llanwrst. We have no idea how that is pronounced, so we decided on Clanwrist. In fact, we have no idea how most things in Wales are pronounced.

Llanwrst is very nice - small market, pretty bridge over river, free parking and great loos.

After a short stroll we got back in the car and headed down to Betws-y-coed. Ah - now this has sparked an argument on pronounciation. I say "Betsy-co-ed". Roy says "Betwiss-e-co-ed".

It is years since I've been here, we used to visit this place often when I was young. We took a stroll in the village and attempted a walk in the forest. Unfortunately we hadn't checked the map properly and we were trying to start our walk from the wrong car park! Now wonder we were back in 15 minutes! We were 4 miles away from the real start point.

Back to the car and a short drive up to Swallow Falls. Ate lunch, got out, looked at the Falls, paid a pound for the privilege. Each!

Then back in the car and headed to Pentrefoelas to visit the well promoted "Roy's Riverside Chocolate Shop". We drove miles deep into the hills, hitting awful rain as we did so. Finally, we found the Chocolate shop. Great - I planned to buy some handmade chocs for my mum. The car park was empty and everywhere looked quiet. A sign on the door said "Closed - Due to Unforseen Circumstances". Never mind. A 20 mile detour for nothing!

Next, we drove to Penmachmo, a pretty village in the middle of nowhere. Just outside it, they are renovating the Conwy Falls Hotel, which meant that the turnstile to the Falls Walk was unmanned. Hurray! £2 saved as we sneaked down the path and saw the Falls for free! A steep climb back up, though.

Then we headed back up the A470 to Conwy. We bypassed all the attractions (gardens, castles etc) and stopped only to take photographs across the Estuary to Conwy Castle. We decided to head over to Llandudno for a stroll on the promenade. The rain, amazingly, pretty much held off all day. It showered a bit, but nothing major.

Heading back from Llandudno we found our way to a renowned pub (again, in a village in the middle of nowhere). It was closed but we phoned later on and booked a table for Thursday.

Tonight, the sun came out and it was glorious by 7pm - really warm too, so we ate outside at the Mulberry. How wonderful - I would never have guessed that I'd be eating al fresco tonight. Quick pitstop at the beach to admire another lovely Conwy sunset and then home early again for cheesecake.

It's tiring, this touring malarkey!

Another trip up the Great Orme

Woke at 7.30am again. It was dry outside, but not great. After breakfast we headed back to Llandudno. We had decided to walk up the Great Orme today. We took the shortest (and no doubt the steepest) route from Haulfre Gardens. A challenging walk for one so unfit. But enjoyable. Back near the bottom of the Orme we took our third wrong turn and encountered a fallen tree trunk across the path. The only way forward was to "limbo" under it. Or crawl. I think I managed some sort of hybrid....

At the bottom, we drove to West Shore (the quieter shore, and a more residential area) and ate a snack before leaving Llandudno headed for Bangor and Caenarfeon. We stopped off at Penmanmawr and Llanfairfechan en route for a nosey. Not much to say about either of those two places really. Both odd little seaside villages where the beach is now cut off from the main village by the A55 major road. Shame. Oh - the parking and loo facilities at Llanfairfechan were quite impressive for a British seaside place.....

As Bangor looked very much like a working town (lovely old Cathedral though) we drove straight through without stopping and on to Caenarfeon. Parked up at the Marina there and had a walk around town and then the Castle. This is where Prince Charles had his investiture back in the late '60's. It had turned in to a glorious day.

The older I get, the more doddery and nervous I get on those old castle staircases. Vertigo kicked in more than once. Views over the Menai Strait from here were spectacular. I've walked a few steps today... tiring but very enjoyable.

I found it weird today as a lot of people were speaking Welsh. Very strange to be on your own island and yet not be able to understand somebody who lives only 200 or so miles away from you. All the leaflets we've picked up this week in the TICs (Tourist Information Centres) are in both English and Welsh, as are all the road signs and information in shops.

We got back just before 5 and the weather was still glorious, so we chilled on our deck and then got ready to go out. Tonight we ate at the Old White House pub near Conwy. It was ok. Nothing special.

After dinner we decided to call in at hte Marina for a beer in the Mulberry as it was such a nice evening again. Home early (again). Watched tv. Went to bed.

Llandudno and Conwy

Woke early - 7.30am - and the weather was still holding out nicely. Had breakfast and decided to take a walk on the beach. At about 10am we packed up our lunch and headed over to Llandudo (pronounced: Clandidno). It was pretty busy so we struggled to get parked up. Eventually we decided to drive the scenic toll road around the Great Orme. After we'd had a quick look in the shops and watched a Parade in honour of 25 years passing since Britain's victory in the Falklands War.

The drive was nice - we got out briefly at the top of the Great Orme to eat lunch and use the facilities. Dad visited a lovely Convalescence Home in Llandudno twice - once after his hip replacement and once after his heart surgery. We spent a little while looking for it but couldn't remember properly where it was. Found out later that it is no longer there! Today they were running the Great Orme Road Race so we watched the runners coming into the finish (right on the summit) while we ate our sandwiches. There are some fit people around!

After Llandudno we headed to Conwy. Had a walk around the castle walls and a little look round the town. It seemed nice but we were getting a bit wet so we jumped in the car and came home. Spent the rest of the afternoon reading the Sunday papers and snoozing.. until 6pm when we'd arranged to go for a swim.

We'd also booked a table in the site restaurant for 7.30pm... once again had tried for 8 but the good people of Wales seem determined not to let us eat at 8pm! Dinner was the Sunday Lunch menu! I grumbled that it would be leftovers, but it actually was very good.

We were back in the caravan early and watched tv, read more and drank Baileys. It has rained here solidly since 4pm.

We're off on our holidays!

Today we set off for our first ever caravan holiday in Conwy, North Wales. It felt quite exciting... we booked the caravan through the Runcorn and Widnes Cancer Support Group. It's only costing £150 for the week and is a really plush 2 bedroomed, 2 bathroomed luxury caravan. The kitchen is extremely well equipped... shame I won't be cooking!

I'm glad we got to know the Cancer Support people when Dad was ill. Not just for the caravan, but because they're exceptionally nice and caring people.

On the way here we stopped at a lay-by cafe for lunch. How exciting, I've always wanted to stop at one of those places, so it was a first for me. Couldn't bring myself to eat anything cooked though... so we settled on tuna sandwiches.

We arrived at about 2pm Saturday. Unpacked (well, I did - Roy sat in the lounge and watched racing on tv) and then walked down to the nearby Marina for a look see. It's very smart, with holiday homes (or homes for locals?) all around it and a really nice pub/restaurant called the Mulberry. It was beautifully warm and sunny, the type of perfect British Summer Day that we get far too few of. So we decided to book a table here for dinner at 8. For some reason they could only offer us 7.45pm so we took that. On the way back we stopped at the supermarket to stock up on provisions for the week.

Back at the "van" we showered and then sat out on the decking having wine and nibbles. It was gorgeous - hot, sunny, peaceful. Just what we wanted.

Our table for dinner was upstairs, but we didn't get a Marina view - never mind. The food was good but overpriced in my opinion. We passed on coffee/dessert and decided to head home. Paid the bill and sat waiting for our change. Roy had given in £60 for a £52 bill. The staff had obviously decided that this was their tip and we never saw them again! Decided not to make an issue of it, although Roy was annoyed as he likes to decide on his own tip!

There was a lovely sunset on the marina and over our local beach. We got home and had coffee and cheesecake back in the caravan. Then slept. Well.

Back home for good

This feels odd. I'm back home and this time there will be no extended trips back to Mum's place. So I have to quickly establish a "normal" life for myself. Even though I didn't really have one before Dad fell ill, as I was on garden leave from my job. Strange.

Actually, I can delay being normal for at least another week as we're going on holiday next week to Wales. It will be a good time to do some thinking and planning.

This week has been productive. If you can call closing down Dad's financial affairs and clearing out his room productive. I suppose you can. Most of what I wanted to achieve I have, and so on that level it has been a good week. Mum met with the Pension Service Bereavement chap on Monday and he went through all of that type of stuff with us. Then we took a trip into Widnes to sort out the bank accounts.

Tuesday we went to Rivendell Garden Centre for a mooch around and then to the Griffin in Eccleston for lunch. We finished our trip out by going to Bridewell Court and paying the reservation fee on mum's new apartment. We (me, Lol, mum) came back quite buzzed up and happy - does that sound weird? For me, it was so good to see mum out and about and making an effort - and I know it probably is a big effort for her.

Today we cleared Dad's room. Most of his clothes went to the charity shop, with books and CDs etc being shared between us kids. There were a few little emotional moments but overall we got through it ok. I still visit various cancer websites (haven't deleted that folder in favourites yet!) and I get a bit freaked out when I read all these people saying that they can't cope without their lost loved one and that they're distraught all the time and crying every waking moment. Makes me wonder if there is something wrong with me. Or if grief is going to come along and hit me like a brick wall one day soon.

Lil and Bren came to visit mum at lunchtime and then I left for home shortly afterwards.

And here I am.

I have a lot to do in the next two days (cleaning, signing on, calling a few people, packing) and then I'm off for the week.

Back home for the weekend

Roy and I came home on Saturday (yesterday). I had mixed feelings leaving mum. On the one hand I know she needs some time and space to grieve. On the other hand I'd like to protect her from that. But I can't.

I've spent a fair bit of time the last week starting to organise Dad's paperwork and financial affairs. I'll be back with Mum early next week to do some more. Then Lorraine and I will need to sort out Dad's room. He wanted it doing quite quickly after his funeral - I think 4 days was his order! So we'll try to do it on Tuesday. See - I'm still doing as I'm told, LOL!

I find that I'm getting angry about Dad's death from time to time. Something I never felt much during his illness. I resent his passing at 68 years of age. Way too early. I resent him having horrible wounds from pressure sores and the laparoscopy. I resent him not being given a chance of fighting his cancer. I guess that is all part of the mourning process?

I thought of something last night - I knew that before he died, Dad had made a couple of references which made us think he was going to pass on the Wednesday. One was when the Carers came and he refused a bed bath, saying "I'll have a good wash on Wednesday". I remembered the second thing... he was watching TV and there was an advert for a pulsating toothbrush. Dad looked at me, amused, and said "A toothbrush has a pulse". I laughed and said that I had one like it at home. "Is it any good?" He asked me. I said yes, it made your mouth feel nice and clean. "I'll have one of those on Wednesday" he said. I said I'd go out and buy him one and he asked how much they cost. I told him there was a wide price range but that I'd buy him the best and he shook his head and rolled his eyes. Ever price conscious, my dad!!!

Of course, he never got the toothbrush.

So, we ate curry with Gary and Renee last night. Roy drove so I drank too much beer and feel a bit groggy today.

This morning I went to Tesco and after getting there realised I'd left my debit card at home. So had to come back for it. .... Roy was out at the gym or I'd have asked him to bring it up for me!

This afternoon I've blogged and done very little else. I need to sort myself out for this week ahead.

I need to sort out my head for job hunting.

Starting to look forwards

The morning after Dad's funeral.

Lorraine and Paul came round for breakfast. We all ate sausage sandwiches. Then Lorraine went to collect the flowers from the Crem. We had decided to place them on Mum's family grave - this is where Dad's ashes will eventually be placed.

We hadn't been to the cemetery for years... so it took us about 20 minutes to find the grave. Not too bad, considering! We placed the flowers and headed home.

This evening we went to Le Frog - a restaurant in St Helens - for an early dinner. It was very nice. Then back to mums for coffee and tv. Paul and Roy went for a few pints at the pub where Joe works.

In the last week we've had so many beautiful cards and emails expressing sympathy, good wishes and love to the family. They're all so nice.

I've been trying to upload some pictures of the flowers but it keeps crashing, so I'll post this blog and try again later. Hurray - success at last, five days later!

The End of the End

The day of Dad's funeral.

I kept unbelievably calm all morning. We were even all ready in good time. The funeral party was to leave from Lorraine's house as it was a better venue than mums for people gathering and cars parking etc. The hearse was due at 10.30-ish....

When it came I got upset. I knew I would. Had a little cry and then walked round to admire the beautiful flowers that had been placed on and around the coffin. Before long, we were all in the cars and heading to the Crematorium. I talked nonsense all the way there (having checked with mum that it was ok for us to chat and giggle).

As we drew up to the little chapel in the crem, I was shocked at the number of people there - and immediately got upset again. All those people there, just for Dad. How lovely. I couldn't look at anybody as I got out of the car, and so we busied ourselves with organising our little procession for behind the coffin. Roy, Joseph, Colin and Paul were carrying Dad in. We walked in to Mario Lanza singing "I'll Walk with God". It all seemed a little surreal. We sat down and people piled in behind us - it was standing room only as the little chapel only seats 60, and there must have been more than that attending.

Mark, the methodist minister, began the service, which was lovely. I mainly kept myself composed and I could hear crying and sniffling going on behind me. Paul (Lorraine's husband) did a fantastic job of reading the eulogy - not easy in front of 70-odd people!

As the middle song played (Paul McCartney, End of the End) Emily took forward a single white rose to place on Dad's coffin. That started Lorraine off crying, which in turn set me off! But we were ok. As the service ended, they played I'll Be Seeing You. Now bearing in mind that I have ALWAYS cried when I hear this song, I think I did pretty well not to break down completely at this point! Mum wanted to go to the coffin and I asked Neil to go with her. I didn't want to go. I felt that I had said my goodbyes to Dad already. Mum then said she wanted to leave... "let's get out of here" were her actual words, and so we left the chapel.

Outside (miraculously it had stayed dry) we got chance to greet a few of the people who'd come along, and to look properly at the lovely flowers, before being asked to get back into the cars to go to the reception. We arrived at the Victoria pub just before 12.

The pub was a great venue - they'd done a wonderful spread of hot and cold food for us, and had organised trays of drinks for people on arrival. Everybody was well looked after! I sat a while with Trish and her parents (my best pal) and then tried to mingle a bit. People started to leave just after 3, and by 5pm, just a hard core of family remained. We stayed until just after 6... it had been a day of catching up with many people - family, friends, old neighbours - and it's pretty hard to fit in years worth of news and information into 10 minute chats!!!

We'd had some little "memory cards" printed up for people to take away and remember Dad with. They had pictures of him (the two of him as an adult that I've put on the "In loving memory post") and a verse:

He is Gone
You can shed tears that he is gone,
Or you can smile because he lived,
You can close your eyes and pray that he will come back,
Or you can open your eyes and see all that he has left.
Your heart can be empty because you can't see him
Or you can be full of the love that you shared,
You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday,
Or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday.
You can remember him and only that he is gone
Or you can cherish his memory and let it live on,
You can cry and close your mind be empty and turn your back,
Or you can do what he would want: smile, open your eyes, love and go on.

On the back of the card, we put a personal thank you to everybody who supported us. And so, I want to repeat those thoughts here. THANK YOU to everybody reading this who has supported me and offered prayers and wishes for Dad and our family over the last five months. I cannot ever explain to you in words how much it has meant to me. I have been so blessed to have you all on my side.

Back at mums, we were tired. Roy went for a sleep and Mum and I chatted and watched TV. Roy got up and we snacked on stuff from the fridge. I think we were all in bed by 10.30pm! Such a calm day - considering what had taken place.

We had collected donations to Pancreatic Cancer UK in lieu of flowers from people outside the family who wished to do something. We already have £300 and I believe that there is more to come yet. Wonderful!

Karen, my good friend from Evesham, asked me today if I had been glad to have known that Dad was dying, as opposed to him drop dead suddenly. She was curious as to if I felt that in some ways it was a better way. Funny she asked, as I'd been pondering on this myself. Yes - in many ways it is an enormous privilege to be part of the final journey with a loved one. It is very special to be able to tell that person goodbye and share with them how much they have meant to you in your life. But it is also very tough to do all of this, with the underlying knowledge that "I'm watching you die". The awfulness of that can be a little overwhelming at times. All that said, on balance, I think it is a very precious thing to be able to do... provided of course that the person's suffering is not too great. How would I have felt if Dad had dropped down dead in January? I don't know, but I think I'd have struggled a lot with it, especially given that I didn't usually see Dad on a day to day or week to week basis. I think I'd have felt a lot more guilt and pain. Ah well, I have rambled a bit there, but it is food for thought.

I forgot to say that on the evening Dad died, Roy was at home alone and after I phoned him with the news, he was upset and went to bed early. He left the curtains open and watched a star appearing at the same time as the sun set. He said that the star gradually disappeared beyond the roof of a house, and just before it vanished completely it glowed really bright. Roy felt that this was Dad's way of saying goodnight to him. :-)

In loving memory of Keith Alman

Keith Alman

28th September 1938 - 27th June 2007

A reflection on Keith's special qualities from his children: Jan, Lorraine and Neil. Read at his funeral service by his son-in-law, Lorraine's husband Paul.


Our Dad always wanted the very best for us, and through his life he worked hard to give us everything. Not material things, but the best possible start in life through a solid family upbringing. He was keen that we had a good education, enjoyed robust health and went forward in life with a strong work ethic. Dad didn't always have some of those things as he grew up. He was so proud of his family and our collective achievements.

In his working life, Dad was great at any job he did, he was self disciplined and always like to plan and organise his work well. He used these skills in his personal life too and even wrote a detailed schedule of events for us to follow on the morning of Lorraine's wedding, for example: 9am – collect flowers, 10am – collect cake etc. He even allowed himself a 15 minute slot for sunbathing!!

On his retirement, his personal letter from Securior said, and I quote "thank you for your loyal service and for the conscientious way in which you have carried out your duties during your 18 years with us". High praise indeed. Little did they know that he was spending 3 hours in the swimming pool, jacuzzi and steam room at Swinton baths every Friday afternoon. But that was dad - he found a way of working things to everybody's advantage - it was always give and take.

Dad had an incredible knack of engaging people… and as you will all know Dad loved to talk, but he also liked to listen and was fascinated to learn about people and their lives.

Dad always wanted to pass away in summer so that people could wear bright clothes at his funeral. He didn't want people in black. He wants you all to celebrate his life, and we think he's given us plenty of material. In fact, if he'd had his way you'd all have danced into the Crematorium behind a New Orleans Jazz Band! But we didn't think Widnes was quite ready for that.

We would like to share with you just a few of our many special personal memories of Dad..

Jan says that: As a child, I always remember feeling safe and secure when I was holding my big strong dad's hand. There is no greater feeling in life that you can give to a child. And even when I grew up, Dad was there for me. For my first day of work, aged 16, Dad bought me a new handbag and promised to drive me into work. This followed on from a tradition he set when I was 11 and he bought me a briefcase for starting at Grammar School. Unfortunately it was a bright orange bag which didn't go with my new black suede work shoes, but I put aside my vanity and felt proud as Dad drove me to work in his bright orange Van. As he dropped me off he wished me luck, gave me a pound for my lunch and told me to get a steak in the Berni Inn. I'm pretty sure that even in 1979 a steak cost more than a pound! A simple memory, I know, but one which summed up Dad's care of me and pride in me very strongly.

Lorraine says:
Dad used to take great delight in trying to embarrass me. He would often take us to Dovecot Swimming Baths on a Sunday morning but on one particular Sunday dad felt the need to include religion into the order of the day. Driving along Pilch Lane, at about 10 miles per hour below the speed limit, he wound the car window down and proceeded to sing the whole of ‘Onward Christian Soldiers" loudly to all the passers by – oh the shame, though secretly I was highly amused.

I will always remember with great fondness how each year on my birthday dad and I would take a special trip, just the two of us, to Lewis’s. Dad would take me to the toy department to choose a birthday treat and we would follow that with tea and a bun in the café. It made me feel very special and when only a few years ago I was asking Jan and Neil if they loved doing it too they looked at me very bemused , at which stage mum had to intervene and confess that that was my special treat as dad felt sorry for me being "piggy in the middle".

Neil says: One of my favourite memories of Dad is when he would round up all the kids on Palmwood Avenue, pile us into the van - yes, the big orange one - and take us all out to the Park, or if we were really lucky to Formby Beach for the day. Before the beach trips, once Dad had done a head count of my mates - usually about half a dozen - he would instruct mum to make up a sandwich order and pack plenty of drinks. As we ran ourselves ragged on the beach, Dad would indulge in one of his favourite pastimes... sitting patiently, watching the world go by.

Dad was also a much loved grandad by all his 5 grandchildren, he is affectionately known as Great Big Grandad by the younger ones and he certainly was great. A friend of ours says that the word love is spelt by children as T.I.M.E. – this was so true as far as dad was concerned. He would often take the grandchildren out for traditional trips to the sand dunes at Formby, a play on the swings at sherdley park, a swim at the baths and even on magical mystery tours around the areas in which he grew up, plus many more fun days out. One of their favourite trips was to Eureka Children's Museum in Halifax, which always included a picnic in the stationery train outside. We know for sure these trips have created special memories in our childrens hearts and thank Dad for this.

Throughout 45 years of marriage Dad was soft as anything with our Mum - although sometimes he would like to pretend that he was in charge! Seriously though, this was a true partnership and our mum and dad were a strong couple who looked out for each other and us. In fact, it is unusual for us kids to speak about our Dad without mentioning mum in the same breath. So we want to acknowledge our mum, Teresa, for the strength and courage she showed as she cared for Dad so lovingly. Not just on his final journey, but all through their life together and especially when Dad fought his many health battles.

For many people, spending their final five months of life in bed would make for a very negative experience. But not Dad. Once he got his head round the situation, he and we, chose to fill his time with love, laughter and positivity. And of course his precious newspapers and tv.We didn't just reminisce on old memories - we created new ones that we will treasure forever. Dad never lost his fantastic sense of humour during his illness. There isn't time this morning to share all the stories, many of them hilarious, with you - but collar us in the pub later and we will be happy to do so. And also during this time we all learned so much - about ourselves, about life, and about our Dad. Dad drew on all the strength he could muster to handle his illness with enormous strength, dignity and grace and he made it so easy for his family and friends during this time.

Our final gift to Dad was to support him and care for him as he had for us all through our lives.

Keith Alman was a man who truly loved his family and friends - and he showed this through his actions, not just words.

'Say not in grief 'he is no more' but live in thankfulness that he was'.