Thursday 8th March

Results are in and the Consultant looking after dad has asked to see mum and I at visiting this afternoon. So I am guessing it is not good news (they haven't spoken to my dad yet).

Email to Prevention friends:
Dear friends,We got bad news today. The biopsy confirmed that Dad does have cancer and that it has spread from his pancreas to his stomach area. They are not planning to offer any treatment. We have no firm timescale (but I think "months" is what we can expect). They are going to let Dad come home soon, which is what we want now.

We (mum, sister and I) were with Dad when he was told and he was amazing. We went back in to see him tonight and he is just so brave. I know he will have a big cycle of emotion to go through, though - so I'm not kidding myself he will always be like this. I thank you so much for all your support so far - it means more than you can know.

Comment added in May:
I think that being with my Dad while a Doctor told him he had inoperable cancer is the hardest thing I have ever done in my life so far. It was horrendous. The Staff Nurse looking after dad this day (I forget her name, a lovely Thai lady) had told me that the doctors would come and see us all during visiting. Lorraine, Mum and I went in (Lorraine had been in work but came home).

Anyway, we're all sitting with Dad (nervous as hell and pretending this is a normal day) when the Nurse called me out to say that the Doctors couldn't be there until after 5, so would we wait. I said yes. Dad had mentioned that a lady doctor had told him she "might come back later to talk about how we're going to progress with you". So I told him that they were coming back at 5, that his test results were probably in, and we'd wait. He tried to send us home but didn't really argue the toss when we insisted on staying.

So... just before 5 the Nurse beckoned me again. Dr Samid wanted to see me and mum.... Lorraine and I went in, and he seemed to be a while looking at Dad's results on the screen. Lorraine said she thought it was bad news and that Dr Samid was the "Bad News Doctor". I had to agree! He finally came through and basically told us that the test confirmed what he had already said to use in February. He was very nice and explained that he would refer Dad's notes to an oncologist but treatment was unlikely. He then said we should go and see Dad.

He sat on the bed next to Dad and held his hand. He explained that they had found cancer and that unfortunately it was inoperable. He was very, very compassionate in his delivery of this news. Dad's body visibly slumped and he asked Dr Samid "So is there nothing that you can do". "No sir, I'm afraid not." "Oh."
Mum was the other side of dad, and Lorraine in front of them. I was next to mum, standing. The Nurse was next to me, and a Junior Doctor completed the chain. At one point, we were all stroking and comforting the next person, which was comical really.
We all cried together (after the doctor left) and Dad said things like "I'm just one of millions - there are loads of other people going through this". Mum said, "Keith, to us you are one in a million". Lorraine and I promised Dad that we would look after him and mum through this.

Then, as if nothing had happened, Dad went back to his chair and started chatting about what was for tea. Oh - he did say that he had one target date - to wipe the smile of Alex Ferguson's face at the UEFA Cup Final on 23rd May!

We left Dad having his tea. Then, Lorraine and I went to see Neil and tell him the news. We went back to the hospital for evening visit. That was hard to do, but we both knew it was something we would have to get used to........... spending time with somebody who knows that they are dying.

Well, at least we knew, now. No more waking up feeling sick that today would be the day the results came back. It all happened so much easier than I had anticipated it would - but a lot of that was down to the incredibly brave and strong way my dad reacted to it and dealt with it.

Also, in this week, I had seen a press article online that Key Retirement Solutions (one of the firms I had been interviewed by) had appointed somebody as Head of Partnerships. Hmmm - thought that they were going to offer me that job!! I'd phoned Colin (the Managing Director) for an explanation but he rang just as we were setting off for the hospital appointment. I finally spoke to him a few weeks later and he gave some daft excuse about me living too far from Preston! Bottom line - they found someone cheaper and offered the job to them. It wasn't meant to be for me, obviously.