Thursday 1st March

Shame faced Brit here (fancy me forgetting St David's Day!!)

YAY- the shower is fixed! Mum and I no longer have to go to my sisters to get clean!

I've just eaten half a big bag of Maltesers. It was my mum's fault of course - she bought them today and I just had a "need chocolate" moment after my lovely long hot shower.........

I'm going to bed early tonight. I have to be up each morning to take my niece to school. One thing I have enjoyed this past few weeks is being so close to all my family. It's been lovely to see them so often and is making me a bit "homesick" for being able to pop in and have a coffee/chat with mum, sis, etc. Must persuade Roy that we should live in the North West of England.

Email to Trish:
Hi - hope all is well and Tayla is recovering?I had an appointment with the Consultant who is heading up my dad's medical team on Tuesday (Mr Tighe). I explained to him what we were told 3 weeks ago, that they were certain that they were dealing with a tumour on his pancreas which had spread into the stomach lining. Tighe told me that at this stage, all dad's tests have been inconclusive and they still don't know if they are dealing with a tumour or inflammation (pancreatitis). He said my dad is "well" (clinically - all his liver/blood tests are good) and that he is baffling them. So, what they will do is a CT Guided biopsy (on Friday this week). It is unlikely that they will take tissue samples from the pancreas (I think that is tricky/risky) but they have seen some tissue in the stomach lining (omentum) and they will go in and take some of that. If they find malignant cells, it will "prove" that he has cancer which is spreading. If they don't find any cells, it is likely that they are dealing with inflammation and he may be referred on to the pancreas specialist in Liverpool.

If they do find cells, basically that will indicate a secondary cancer and they won't refer him to Liverpool as it will be too late. So - from a very negative outlook a few weeks ago, it could now go either way. Although Tighe was keen to point out that pancreatitis can be life threatening when it gets this bad. Apparently my dad's weight loss and weakness could be symptomatic of either inflammation or tumour and he also explained that the results of some of the other tests they'd done (echocardiogram etc) were ok. I asked him if it was unusual for my dad to have no pain (either for tumour or pancreatitis) and he said that it was, but maybe he had a high pain threshold or something. That's something else which is strange. Basically my dad has some symptoms of both conditions, but not a full set!!

So, all very puzzling. I know I shouldn't get my hopes up - but I guess if we don't have any hope, we are just giving in.....I did tell Tighe that we were told in no uncertain terms that my dad was terminally ill, and he said that the radiologists were convinced that it was a tumour they saw on the first scan.... however, subsequent tests for jaundice were clear and that is what made them reconsider and do further tests. I think the one thing worrying me is that there IS something in my dad's tummy area (which they have also seen on the scan) and that cannot be as easily explained away.

Tighe was totally neutral on what he thinks the outcome will be - he genuinely does not know. He said "I do hope this is benign, but we will have to do the biopsy and then we'll chat again". He also told me that my dad understands all of this too. He knows it can go either way.

In himself my dad is doing ok... they had him walking (only about 20 feet!) yesterday as his feet are really swollen. Tighe said this is due to immobility, not eating properly, and the fluid they drained from his stomach (there is a technical reason for this to do with protein!). He said the physios will try to build him back up a bit.... and they are also threatening to put him on those drinks to provide more calories... for some reason my dad is going mad about that and trying to eat more so they don't make him drink the drinks!!! Stubborn old git.

He still has his humour and was actually shouting a bit yesterday (getting animated over something we were talking about) so that was good to hear! He said if they could get him 5 hours sleep a night he'd feel "smashing". So keep it all crossed, Trish! I'll speak to you over the weekend. Am going back home Friday night after afternoon visit.

Second email to Trish:
Yes they are doing the scan at 2pm tomorrow... but they'll have to send tissue samples off and I guess it will be early next week before results are back. He was a bit down today... he must be worried sick. Anyway, we should know more next week.

Email to Lorraine:
I know I shouldn't get my hopes up too much.... but further "net" research tells me that you can have chronic pancreatitis without pain.I should stop looking, shouldn't I!!!

Comment added in May:
Of course, I did get my hopes up. I hoped fervently that they'd made a mistake with the first scan, and that really Dad just had inflammation. I hoped that the biopsy would prove negative and it would all be over (well, bar treatment for pancreatitis). I searched and searched the net for hours to find information to prove my hopes were right.