Scared of Ghosts...

Mum slept in Dad's room overnight. In the middle of the night, he said to her that she'd be sleeping in her own bed tomorrow night. She asked why and he said, I just think you will. So of course this has got us worried now. Lorraine came over and stayed with mum last night, too.

He also kept asking for the machine and when Lorraine told him there wasn't a machine he just threw his hands up in frustration.

I decided to come back to mums today and not tomorrow as planned. It is becoming painfully clear that Dad is on the final part of his journey and so we have decided to make sure that one of us in with him at all times. Mum has just given me an hour off to "talk to my cyber friends". Bless her. She looks exhausted.

I was pretty upset this morning before leaving home. Roy was wanting to drive me across but I knew I'd be ok in the car. I think I was trying to get it out of my system before I got here. I always feel better when I am here, though. I'm helping on a practical level and that a) distracts me and b) gives me a sense of purpose in this horrible thing we are dealing with.

It's Lorraine and Paul's 19th Wedding Anniversary today. Lorraine was upset before remembering Dad holding her hand before they went up the aisle. Now she's holding his hand for him. We both had a little cry together about it.

On the funny side, we started Dad's jigsaw for him... his friend brought over the board for us to make it on. It's huge! 70cm x 60cm. Dad, in between dozing, bossed us around and kept telling us how to do it. Lorraine got such a fit of giggles in the end as he kept waking up and saying "find a piece that fits and work in from the edge". Then when Mum came in he said he was exhausted from advising us!

He asked to see our work after about two hours and we were ashamed to admit there wasn't too much too see!! All the edges are done and a few other bits. Emily came and helped a lot too, later on this afternoon. He said we'd done well, but I think he was just humouring us.

Dad also ate some jelly this afternoon and drank some soup this evening. This is the first he's had for a few days. He is still coming out with random things that don't make sense. But that is part and parcel of the metabolic (chemical) change in his body.

Dad was insisting that we trim his eyelashes this afternoon. I refused - saying that bits of hair might go in his eyes and make them sore. He sulked a bit and then said "I'm staying here (pointing at his bed) until these eyelashes have been trimmed". We laughed and said well you'll have to stay there, then, cos we're not cutting them. His eyes have gone very "sticky" so we have to wipe them several times a day with warm water to keep them clear. Maybe he's thinking that if cut the eyelashes then it will help.

Oh - the mystery of the leaping mice has been solved... it isn't mice at all, but a wasps' nest in the eaves of the Dorma. We had the same thing a couple of summers ago on the opposite side. So I've contacted Pest Control to come and deal with it.

Well, I'm just about to head in and start my night-shift sitting with Dad and mum has frightened the life out of me!! She told me that in the early hours of this morning, Dad was looking into the corner of the room and laughing & said "Oh go 'way with you" or something like that. She asked what he said and he said, "oh nothing". She says he was talking to somebody else in the room. But that it wasn't scary. Not to her, perhaps, but me..... I'm a big scaredy-cat!!!!

We've been struggling to find a third song for Dad's funeral service - he wants "I'll Walk with God" (Mario Lanza) and Mum has chosen "I'll be Seeing You (Michael Buble). Last night, coming home from our meal, I heard Paul McCartney song on the radio, from his new album. The tune is quite simple, and I thought the words were appropriate. Touching, but simple. Mum agrees so I think we may have this one (the whistling section is a bit naff!):

At the end of the end
It's the start of a journey
To a much better place
And this wasn't bad
So a much better place
Would have to be special
No need to be sad

On the day that I die I'd like jokes to be told
And stories of old to be rolled out like carpets
That children have played on
And laid on while listening to stories of old

At the end of the end It's the start of a journey
To a much better place
And a much better place
Would have to be special
No reason to cry

[Whistling]

On the day that I die I'd like bells to be rung
And songs that were sung to be hung out like blankets
That lovers have played on
And laid on while listening to songs that were sung

At the end of the end
It's the start of a journey
To a much better place
And a much better place
Would have to be special
No reason to cry
No need to be sad
At the end of the end

(Paul McCartney, from "Memory Almost Full")