Signing on day

Another Monday, another appointment to sign on for jobseeker's allowance. I hate doing it. I always have a slight sense of shame and a feeling of "how on earth has my life come to this" when I go to the Job Centre. And yet it's a painless process and the staff there are very pleasant. Even the security guards (yes, security guards!) hold the door open for me.

I explained to the guy there that I've applied for Carer's Allowance instead of Jobseekers (at least I won't have to sign on for that!) as I'm now unable to seek work due to caring for my Dad. He advised me to carry on signing on until it comes through.

After that I went into the Tesco next door. It was interesting that most of the non-food goods now have their labelling in English and Polish! Did some shopping for mum and then went to Marks and Spencer for the rest of her food stuff. I decided to go on to Costco as there were a few things I needed from there. And then I called to see Lillie and Albert, as Lillie hasn't been so well since they got back from holidays. I took Albert a tray of sirloin steak for his Father's Day gift - a bit unusual but we couldn't think of anything else, and he begged us not to buy a shirt and tie!

I got home at about 1.30pm and had lunch, put the shopping away and sorted out my washing from the weekend. Before I knew it, Roy was home and skulking round looking hungry - so I made our meal. Left at 7.30pm to drive to mums.

Dr Rathbone had been today and had a chat with Dad about dying. Lorraine was here at the time so she's going to do a quick write up so I can cut and paste into today's blog.

Mum was tired when I arrived. She is still quite stubborn with Dad. I wish that sometimes she would humour him a bit more, and listen to him better. He was trying to tell her tonight how the bed could be redesigned to be more user-friendly, and she just talked over him. I kept trying to say that he was only wanting to share his thoughts, and she kept on fussing about how he could get his legs comfy.

I found Dad looking worse than yesterday... something about his eyes that looked more tired. He's had 2 coffees today - first time he's tried coffee in about 2 and a half months. I think he enjoyed them. He also ate a few spoons of jelly and custard. And that's it. Mum says he is drinking less, too. These are not good signs really, but we knew it would happen.

He's been trying to do the jigsaw that Lol bought him for Father's Day, but he needs a board to work on, so his pal Colin is making one. Mum is paranoid about him getting jigsaw bits all over his bed!

So, it is now 12.30am and Dad is reading to try to send himself to sleep. I'm done blogging so I'll go into him now and see if he's ready to settle down.

Added later - here is Lorraine's blog entry about what happened when Dr Kay visited:
Dr Kay visited dad today as she does every Monday and Thursday - her support is wonderful and I think dad quite looks forward to her visits, maybe it makes him feel safe in the knowledge she is keeping an eye on him.

There was not an awful lot to discuss in terms of any noticeable changes since her last visit, dad explained he had been sick a few more times and she did say that if it got worse they could give dad something to stop it but she seemed happy that it was not a blockage causing the sickness as it doesn't happen every time dad eats.

She also said she will look to reduce his clexane again soon (unfortunately this is because of his weight loss).

Dad then went on to tell the doctor about the dream he had on Friday that had upset him. Dr Kay (who has obviously been reading "Final Gifts") asked dad if he was frightened about what was going to happen to him, he replied "Not at all". She told him not to worry about a coroner as there would be no need for one as we know what dads condition is. She also said there would not be a post mortem unless dad specifically wanted one - to which he replied, pointing teasingly at mum, "yes, I want to know if she has been trying to poison me all these years" - Mum found this amusing (thank god!).

Dr Kay went on to ask dad if he had thought about what he would like to happen when he passes (this was very hard for me as I have waterworks like Niagra Falls - hard to control!!) Dad told the Dr all he had discussed with us (I won't detail this as I think it is a previous days blog) but when he started to talk about Lil and Tom (our Nana and Grandad) he got really choked and was talking through his tears, he said he thought the world of them and him and mum would not be anywhere without them helping to get their foot on the ladder (Mum and Dad lived with them for their first three years of married life whilst they saved for a house and furniture). Dr Kay said he would be able to tell them how much he thought of them when he got "up there". Dad then went on to say how the Reiki man had said his Mum and Brother were going to come for him but that Joan (mums best friend) had already been to get him - again dad was upset recounting this but was also saying how lovely it was but he was not ready to go when she came. That reminds me dad would like to see Sue Gardam again who gave dad Reiki which he found very relaxing and he liked her.
Mum brought in a photo of Nana and Grandad so I put it up on the shelf and told dad they would look after him from there.
Mum said dads blood pressure had dropped a little bit further (again not a good sign but a further sign that dad is starting to fade - I don't think we will ever be ready for what lies ahead so have to face each day head on.)

Mum brought in a photo of Nana and Grandad so I put it up on the shelf and told dad they would look after him from there.

Mum said dads blood pressure had dropped a little bit further (again not a good sign but a further sign that dad is starting to fade - I don't think we will ever be ready for what lies ahead so have to face each day head on.)