Getting used to "Sick Dad"

I'm getting very attached to "Sick Dad". I know that sounds daft, because my Dad is still my Dad, but different.

Sick Dad shares the same characteristics as Well Dad, but some things have changed.

Well Dad never had the highest of tolerance levels, but Sick Dad will not tolerate anything he doesn't like! For example, he will make us call out the District Nurses or Doctor if he is at all bothered by something. And he gets very annoyed at me for putting things off. Just the other day I got a rollicking for what he described as "a classic example of not doing things straight away". My crime - I had delayed going to collect the pensions for a couple of days. He got really agitated about it and told me off.. I felt like a little girl, LOL! Just months ago I'd have argued back, but I just took it on the chin. Lorraine was in the room and grinning at me with that "you're in trouble, na na" look that she had as a child!

Sick Dad also has a number of little procedures that we have to follow. Such as putting medical tape over his catheter to secure it and stop it pulling on him during the day. He's very particular about how the tape is applied! And setting his alarm clock for 5am every day. Woebetide us if we attempt to wriggle out of said procedures!

I also see his mind ticking over all the time. Like he's a little boy trying to work things out and looking for the answers. And he does experiments (with his bed settings, food and medications etc) to see if he can make things better for himself. He likes to discuss these experiments with the Doctor and he thinks she appreciates the fact he's working it out for himself. I'm sure she does - her little face breaks into a grin when he starts to tell her about his latest experiment.

One thing that Sick Dad claims to be is more tolerant of mum! They've always squabbled (over the stupidest of things) and he says that he won't take her on anymore. She will still argue back with him if she thinks he's wrong. He's told me that he now just lets it go. Hmm, I'm not too sure on that one!

Sick Dad is also obsessed with checking his body for signs of breaking down. He checks his arms every morning and is always asking does he look different, facially. He asked Roy, mum and I all in the space of a few days last week. He was particularly interested in Roy's comments as he hadn't seen him for a month. He also was joking last week that Victoria Beckham would be jealous of his arms!

Dad was saying to mum last week that "maybe one afternoon, next week, or the week after, then I'll just fall asleep and not wake up. Wouldn't that be lovely?". Of course, mum had to agree with him that yes, it would be a nice way to go. I hope he does, when the time comes. He says he doesn't mind, as long as he's comfortable and with his family. I take that as a sign that we'll be with Dad when he passes. Another new experience ahead..... I was rather hoping he'd be the type to wait until I'd left the room!! (Apparently some people do that, if they feel their loved ones won't cope well with watching them die.) Although part of me thinks that it will be better for me if I am with Dad when it happens. Can't think about it too much..........

The longer this goes on - the more I will miss my Sick Dad as much as I'll miss my Well Dad. That probably sounds very odd, but I know what I mean. (I think.)