Wednesday 28th February

I am about to defrost my mum's freezer. A job I hate second only to ironing. Then we're going shopping and to the hospital for visiting at 3pm.

The new shower door arrived yesterday - it gets fitted tomorrow morning. So I took a shower at my sister's house this morning, after dropping my niece off at school.I am slightly concerned as the shower door box looks totally different in size to the door it is replacing! I dare not open the box up... I think I will leave it to the guy who's fixing it tomorrow.

I defrosted the freezer with my mum's steam cleaner... it takes about an hour but at least it's all done rather than having to leave the freezer to defrost itself all day! Found all sorts of unidentified items wrapped in foil.... pig's kidney, anyone? (vomit icon here). Also found about 3 tonnes of smoked salmon lurking in there. At least it's all nice and organised now. After a week of my mum back in charge of the freezer it will be chaos in there again. If a freezer can be chaotic! (Guess which of us is NOT the virgo - yup, my mum!).

My dad is doing ok. He walked a little bit today (which is progress as he's been bed/wheelchair-bound for a couple of weeks). He is so patient... I'd be climbing the walls by now! I will try to do an email update later if I get the chance, to let you all know a bit more about what the doc told me yesterday.

Oh, my sis got good news today. She's been "acting up" to the next grade for a while now, and today it was made permanent. Not a huge pay hike, but finally an acknowledgement of her efforts. She's been with the company for 25 years and in my opinion should have been formally promoted a long time ago. I'm really pleased for her.

Tuesday 27th February

No news. I am seeing the Consultant looking after my dad at 12 noon today.

Didn't get any news really. The doctor can't tell us what is wrong with dad, as there are two possibilities (one very bad) and the test results so far don't prove either. Next step is a biopsy which will be done on Friday. Another week of waiting ahead.

We're ok though. I am just not in a chatty mood (having had to explain my discussion with the doctor about 10 times already today).

Comment added in May:
Dad changed a lot physically in hospital. He actually looks a lot younger, having dropped weight, and despite being an awful grey colour some days, his eyes are beautiful - big and blue and bright. He also has what I call a "serene smile" on his face some times. And I see him looking at mum during visiting, with such a loving face, that it makes me want to cry.

Also, every now and then I catch his eye (if there are a few people round the bed) and I get a jolt of "ok we both know something is going on - tell me what it is" from him. Can't describe it better really, but it's like he's asking me for information with his eyes. I won't give any until the Doctors confirm anything.

When we walk into visiting, as soon as he spots us, he does this big smile. Sometimes, to me, it seems forced. Other times we walk in and he doesn't see us... on these occasions he is just sitting, staring down. Is Dad putting on a brave face?

Sunday 25th February

No news on my dad - except that he looks awful and is dropping weight rapidly.

Roy and I went over to see him today. He goes mad when we do that, but we'd tied it into a (pretty disastrous) run over to Chester as well.

They are saying that an abcess in his stomach, but we don't know if that is instead of or as well as something nastier. I am requesting a meeting with his Consultant tomorrow. Dad, bless him, was very pleased at the prospect of having an abcess! In fact, he was saying to my sister that it was a good thing, and he'd never had one before, so a new experience for him.

I got The Departed on Friday. Was hoping to watch this weekend but we haven't got round to it yet! I had a wonderful veggie balti last night. Tonight I'm making pancakes (as Roy missed out last Tuesday cos I was away!).

Saturday 24th February

I've lost 14lbs since the start of this year. Partly my own effort (gym and diet) in January, partly the "worry yourself sick" diet that I started on 5th Feb when I went over to stay with my mum.

So I am trying to eat sensibly now and keep the pounds coming off. Tonight we're going for Indian food with Roy's brother and SIL2B, but I may choose the veggie options as they are yummy in the place we go to. Curries chock full of chickpeas and lovely veg.

My SIL2B's father is also ill - strangely, with the same thing as my dad. I haven't spoken to her in detail since all this happened so we can have a good chat later.

I am just catching up on some online banking etc. Then I'll get ready and go out to see Roy's parents and get some fresh air. Might go for a swim later on at the gym.

My dad got really upset in the hospital yesterday - he was telling me that I must go home and spend time with my husband! I said to him that he is not to worry about us, and I am glad to have the free time to spend with him and mum at the moment. It choked me up but I kept a brave face on.....

My god-daughter is also very poorly and in hospital (she was very prem and has severe asthma, this time it has taken them a full week to get her breathing anywhere near back to normal and they were considering quite radical treatment at one stage). I can't get to see her, though - as they're on the Isle of Man. Poor thing - she's only 13 and has had such a hard time, healthwise.

Friday 23rd February

Well the hospital have advised that there will be no news/results over the next few days so I am going to go home for the weekend. That is my plan!

Nothing else happening really - I have some "stuff" to sort out at home relating to my upcoming redundancy (pension, return of equipment etc).

I think we will also need to cancel our trip to South Africa (due to go on 17 March) so I need to look into that. We have Travel Insurance so I don't think we will lose our money (not that it would make much difference).

Dad said to me the other day "I hope you haven't cancelled your holiday". I said "No, I haven't". Which as things stand is still true. I can't risk being the other side of the world if something happened to him. Whoops I am off on a doom and gloom thing again... I had better log off.

Thursday 22nd February

No news here. Still haven't fully sorted the bedroom!

My dad is holding up pretty well, considering. He had another scan today... I don't think we'll hear anything more until after the weekend. The doctors never contact us - the way it works here is that you have to ask. However, there is a very nice doc who is part of my dad's team and on Tuesday night when I was in with my sister, my dad was just back from his laparoscopy and the doc came over to chat to him about it while we are there. We'd met him last week, too, when we asked for a meeting with the doctor. I like him... but we still haven't yet met the "main man". I think he's just fobbing us off with his sidekicks until he has something definite to tell us.

We did ask to see the top man (Mr Tighe) on two occasions and were told that we could.... but when we got there he sent someone else along. I'm not too bothered but I think he should show his face at some point.

Also, it is noted on dad's file that when they do get final results then they are to call us in for a "family meeting" and under no circumstances are they to give my dad bad news when he is on his own. I tell his nurse this every other day (they work on 2 day rotations) just to be sure that everybody understands!

It is three weeks tomorrow since he was admitted and still no confirmed clinical diagnosis. We are told that this is a very complex area of the body to deal with. My major concern is that my dad is clearly getting worse, and when they do tell him exactly what the problem is, he will just be that bit weaker in terms of being able to handle things. On the other hand it seems wrong to tell him info before it is all fully confirmed. *sigh* such a worry.....

I am still decluttering my parent's small apartment! I never knew you could find so many hiding places for paperwork, pens, ornaments, tinned food.

The new shower door should arrive middle of next week. In the meantime we have to schlep to my sisters for a shower (only a 5 minute drive away, luckily). I have now got most of the shattered glass hoovered up... just the last bits to sort out. Now we need to find a big strong man to fit the new door! My dad's friend is a plumber so mum is going to ask him to do it. My sisters FIL was supposed to be helping but seems reluctant to do so (which makes me mad but that's another story!) so I have told my mum to ask somebody else.

What else can I moan about? If there are no test results due tomorrow, I think I'll go home after visiting tomorrow night and have the weekend with Roy. I can come back anytime if I need to - but if things stay as they are now then I'll stay home until Monday. Nothing much happens over the weekend in hospitals, seemingly.

Tuesday 20th February

I'm back at mums now... today I'll be sorting out the bedrooms (we just shoved all sorts of things into cupboards for decorating/carpets) and if I get time, giving the kitchen cupboards a good clearing out. Maybe that one will wait till tomorrow!

Well we got the lounge all finished last night (all furniture back in place etc) and mum and I sat back and said how nice it all looked! She's doing really well in the circumstances. She is a very strong lady and I think we (my sis, brother and I) are balancing "stuff" really well between us so that my mum is not taking too much on herself.

Why am I still here? When there are bedrooms to be sorted!!!

I have spent all morning faffing about trying to find out the make of the shower cubicle (which wasn't marked anywhere on it), a supplier of said cubicles, and finally a distributor who can order a replacement door for us!! My sister's Father in Law will fit it for us (he's a builder).

I hope my dad will be home within the next week. They've started more poking around and fiddling with him though, so he's better off in hosp at the mo.

Right, I am only online to look at showers... so I need to go. Have found a shop locally where I can go and get an order placed.

Comment added in May:
Dad had his laparoscopy late afternoon and had just come back when Lorraine and I went for evening visit. He was a bit out of it when we got there and kept looking at us odd - kind of staring and questioning? As if he wasn't sure who we were. Anyway, he came round gradually and they gave him IV Paracetomol for the pain, but said he could have morphine if he needed it. After a little while, Dr De Soza (another of Tighe's Registrars) came to see us. He spoke to Dad about the laparoscopy - apparently they couldn't see anything because his stomach was full of infection. So they had a couple of options - open him up properly and wash the infection away, or just withdraw. So they chose the latter, as there were too many risks involved in the washout due to his history and condition. Dr advised that they would need to clear up the infection and that Dad would go onto IV antibiotics (again). I think he said the infection was caused by the drain they'd used to clear the ascites.

He said "As you know Sir, we're still very concerned that there is something really nasty behind all of this, but we need to take each procedure at a time". In other words, laparscopy had told them nothing, and now their primary concern was to deal with the infection.

Monday 19th February

Nothing much to report here.. it's a grey day. I'm heading back over to mum's at about 11.

Here's a photo of the new carpet at mums:

A smashing time

I'm home (albeit just until tomorrow morning) and just washing my stuff to take back to mum's next week!

It's been a weird weekend. The decorating is all done (Roy did all of the actual work, I just helped facilitate clear spaces for him to work in and then put everything back). He painted all the walls (my parents don't have any wallpaper) and glossed all the doors, sills and skirting boards.

He worked flat out from 8am on Friday morning until 1pm today. Bless him....

Most of the flooring is sorted... they are coming back tomorrow to do a small bedroom, hall and the kitchen. Then I can get my parents' home straight again! Things are shoved everywhere out of the way, if you know what I mean.

So it was a busy, busy weekend... to top it all off, I got in the shower last night at about 10pm. After I'd finished, I was just spraying the inside of the (glass) cubicle with that Shower Shine stuff. I pulled the sliding door open to do the inside of it and step out of the shower, and the glass in it just shattered everywhere. Luckily, it's a rectangular shaped shower and I had pulled the door to the opposite end from where I was standing... otherwise I'd have been like a pin cushion.

So, apart from a small cut on my hand and foot, I'm ok. I couldn't believe it... my mum just cried... she's pretty low anyway (she is full of cold and with all the stuff going on with dad etc..) and I think this was the straw that broke the camel's back. Luckily most of the glass stayed inside the shower cubicle and so we're leaving it there as I intend to
a) call her home insurance company tomorrow about them fixing it all up
b) make a very strong complaint to the builders who installed the shower when they bought the flat.
Surely they shouldn't use glass that shatters into shards??? I thought they had proper safety stuff in? I wouldn't mind but my parents paid a lot of money to have a shower installed instead of a bath (as they're both disabled) and I think the builders put the cheapest one in that they could find.

Anyway - now I've lost the one place I can go to cry in mum's flat - the shower.

No more news on my dad. He didn't look good last night. I'll be back in to see him tomorrow afternoon.

Saturday 17th February

The decorating is going well but is a messy, tough job... trying to do the whole of a 2 bed apartment in 2.5 days! In between running round shopping, hospital visiting etc.
Roy is doing all the real work, I am just trying to make mum's home habitable in between times.

Email to Prevention Friends:
Well I guess it is time for an update, but there is not much more to say. We aren't much further forward since last Friday. They are certain that my dad has advanced cancer in his pancreas and stomach. They just can't clinically prove it.

So the latest is that they will do a laparoscopy (sp?) in the next few days (they are trying to get his blood right as he takes anti-coagulants following heart surgery 8 years ago) to see what they can find in his stomach. If they see anything they will take biopsies.

With regard to the pancreas, the Doctors at his current hospital (Warrington) have now said they can't do any more and have referred his scans to a Regional pancreas specialist unit at Liverpool hospital. We now have to wait to see if the Professor there will see my dad - but that is likely to be as an outpatient.

So frustrating and so many unanswered questions. My dad knows no detail - just that he has swellings in his pancreas and stomach and they need to find out what they are. So we aren't having too many open discussions with him just yet. Until they get a firm diagnosis (or he asks a direct question) they aren't going to tell him. We have requested that we are there when he does (my sister and I, possibly with mum).

Seemingly this is a complex and difficult area of the body to deal with - hence what appears to be badly handled messing about in the hospital... I am trying to convince myself they're doing their best. The nursing staff have been wonderful. I am not so sure about the surgical team. I guess to them we're just a number.

I know I sound quite cold and factual but I have to deal with it this way at times.When we know for certain what is causing this then dad will be referred to an oncologist to decide if treatment will be offered (we have been told that this is unlikely) and to put a care plan together for him.I just want him home and comfortable.Will keep you posted. And I do thank you for your kind words and thoughts.

Friday 16th February

Hi, having a hectic time here. But decorating/carpet fitting is going well. All will be done by Monday. We still are no further forward on news about my dad. Can you believe that?

Thursday 15th February

Morning...
I have another day of decluttering to do and then I'm driving home to pick Roy up this afternoon. He's coming over here to decorate mum and dad's flat after the new carpets are laid.

Then if I get back in time I'll visit my dad in hospital tonight.So I may not check in later!

Email to Carol:After gearing ourselves up for Tuesday, they still haven't been able to clinically confirm their diagnosis on my dad's condition. :-(. The last test that can do this is to take biopsies and I think they will do that next. He should find out today if that is the case. He's doing ok in himself... but clearly worried about the results etc. We aren't having explicit conversations with him about it, but nor are we giving him any false hopes. I don't know how much longer this will all take.

Wednesday 14th February - Valentines Day!

I was busy today clearing out some rooms/cupboards at my mum's house, in preparation for her having new carpets fitted on Friday. I don't know how she accumulates so much "stuff" and in a such a small apartment.

My sister and I took a car-load to the dump, and I have a car-load full of good stuff that can either be taken to the charity shop or maybe sold on ebay. Now, does anybody know how to disable the shopping channels on satellite tv??? I have to stop my mum buying so many "wonderful things" that end up shoved in the back of wardrobes and cupboards

Tomorrow we're doing the kitchen cupboards... wish me luck

My dad is doing ok.. no new news yet. My mum is doing ok. She's full of flu this week so that's not good. We still can't get final results/confirmation of the clinical diagnosis, which is very frustrating. They may need to do more tests. The waiting is awful.

Comment added in May:
Oh - this was a frantic period of clearing out and getting ready for new carpets! Mum had a long standing problem with water leaking on her carpets and ruining them and we finally got fed up with waiting for the insurers and just ordered new ones. I then started chasing insurers and found out we were claiming under the wrong policy. 99 phone calls later (and over a number of weeks) we got the claim settled, which was great.

I also wasn't eating much at this stage which is VERY unlike me, and I lost a stone quite quickly. I felt ill at the thought of food.

Tuesday 13th May

No more news. Test results STILL not back. Very frustrating. I'm running about a bit yesterday and today doing messages for my mum and hospital visiting.

I'm back from visiting my dad (who was in good shape this afternoon - they have him on steroids and so he's really bucked up).

I am about to decide what to eat. I feel a cheese omelette coming on.

Email to Trish:We are being told by the hosp that the lab results from the fluid they took last week aren't back yet. We were expecting that they'd be ready today. They told my dad yesterday that he would be going to Liverpool for more tests (camera down and biopsies I think)... but when I asked the nurse said "that depends on the histology from the fluid, it isn't definite". Today I rang - nurse said, no results yet they can take 5-7 days. We got there at 3 for visiting and he told us that Mr Ty (his main man) said "we're still waiting for results....." and also that "the the growth we've seen on the CT scan might be an infection".

So now he thinks he's coming home on antibiotics soon. I am pretty sure they're just saying this to stall him. I'm getting pretty wound up now... when I phone in the morning I am going to ask to see a doc again tomorrow. Meantime he is looking pretty well (the wonders of steroids) but you can see he gets tired easily. He is eating a bit more, but still not going to the loo properly. They have taken the stomach drain out at the moment as all the fluid is gone for now.

Confused and Frustrated of Leeds (or make that Widnes)

Comment added in May:
Today was supposed to be the day they got the clinical diagnosis of dad's cancer and told him all about it (with us there). So you can imagine we'd been gearing up for it, and dreading it. So it'd been a very tense weekend and Monday. However, the method of diagnosis was to see if they could find some cancer cells in and amongst the 8 litres of fluid they drained from Dad's stomach (ascites) and as Dr Samid put it - it was like looking for needle in a haystack.

Throughout this period we were paranoid that they'd get a result back and tell dad (without us being there) and so we spent a lot of time phoning to check, and giving my mobile number to various nurses!

Sunday 11th May

Email to Trish:
Hiya just a quick update.... my dad is bucking up a bit but he's been on steroids for a few days (I only found out last night!) so that's probably why. I think this is all to help his breathing as they've also put him back on his blue inhaler (he hasn't taken it for ages, and was going mad at them saying "I can swim half a mile and my breathing is fine"!!!).

Saturday 10th February

No news here, I am tired (didn't sleep well last night) so just chillin' out with Roy in front of crap tv.

Email to friend: With my dad it is cancer in his pancreas and stomach. Quite far advanced, unfortunately. I think we are looking at no offer of treatment and a matter of months. I feel quite callous writing that but I have moments of "being detached" from it all, if you know what I mean. My mum is doing ok so far, and that is a good thing.

Roy has offered to come over next Tuesday but I think myself and my sister will be with dad, and mum will wait until after he's had the news and then come in and see him. I will be fine. We had snow here but it just keeps melting as soon as it lands! (Quite good for me with all the driving I'm doing). I've just arrived home in Leeds for the weekend and had a good "let it all out" session as soon as I got through the door. Take care and I will keep in touch.

Comment added in May:
I drove home at about mid-day. Coming off the motorway I started to lose it. All the way up Barrowby Drive and into our road I was sobbing. Poor Roy didn't know what had hit him as I got out of the car wailing. I cried for ages when I got in. He just held me and said "I know". He does know. He knows what the feeling is like.

I am getting rather ahead of myself. All the time, I find myself thinking about (and even planning) Dad's funeral! I also have decided that rather than have somebody who doesn't know him speak his Eulogy, then we (me, Lorraine, Neil) would write what we want to say, and see if there is a family member or friend strong enough to read the words. But, as I say, I am racing ahead of things - we have no idea how long Dad has, and thinking of a funeral really upsets me.

I can't remember the exact day when I told Neil (our brother) what the doctors had said - I think it was the Friday night, I picked him up and took him into visiting. I left it until we'd left the hospital and on the way out, told him what the score was. I was supposed to be being big sister, but ended up crying myself. Neil just said "ok, ok" and not much else. He worries me.... I hope he has an outlet for all of this and isn't bottling it up.

Friday 9th February

No news here folks.
Waiting, waiting, waiting.

I'm going home today for the weekend... looking forward to seeing Roy. I'm just going to take my mum grocery shopping and then I'll head off. My sis/brother will look after her until Monday (that makes it sound like she's an invalid, which she isn't, but she is disabled with arthritis, and doesn't drive, so mainly needs a lift if she's going out).

Email to Prevention friends:
Just to let you know that my sister and I saw the doctor today and got some very bad news concerning my dad. I'm not going into detail, because my dad hasn't heard the news yet. That will happen next Tuesday. I have asked to be with him when he sees the doctor. I'm still at my mum's (and she's in and out of the room where I'm typing hence a quick note) but I'm popping home tomorrow to see Roy and sort some clothes out. I'll be back over here on Monday. We've told mum most of what the doc said but kept some of the info back until final tests confirm what the doctor told us. Thank you for all your prayers, thoughts, etc. so far and I will catch up again when I can. As you may gather just at this moment I have clicked into "practical" mode and am hoping to stay as strong next Tuesday. Wish me luck for that.

Comment added in May:
What happened on Friday 9th was that just before visiting Lorraine and I asked to see one of Dad's medical team. The nurse had to get Dad's permission - he was fine with it - and then she took us in to see Dr Samid. What a shock. Samid told us that in his opinion, they thought dad had cancer in his pancreas which had spread into the fatty lining around his stomach - however, they couldn't clinically prove it yet as they had no biopsy or positive test results - just scan results to go on.

We asked what the prognosis was. Samid said that it wasn't good - because the cancer had already spread, it was unlikely that Dad would be offered treatment (surgery was definitely not an option) and that in his experience, patients with this type of cancer tended to deteriorate quite rapidly. We asked how long. He said "months". He implied that it would happen quite quickly.

The nurse who'd come in with us asked if we wanted her to stay (after the doctor had gone) and we said yes please. She was lovely - we called her Nice Nicky after this day (not that the other Nicky wasn't nice, but this one was really good with us). She said that in her opinion the best thing to do in situations like this was to be open and honest (I think we'd been talking about how to handle things with mum and dad). She then commented that we were taking it all very well. At that point, Lorraine said "I'm not I'm going to start crying now" and promptly did. I said I had to control myself because I was about to go and visit Dad.
Tell you what - that was the longest and most horrible hospital visit I've ever done in my life.

After a few minutes we composed ourselves and went to Dad's bed. Mum was already there. (Lorraine, by the way, is lucky in that after crying her eyes clear up really quickly - mine stay red for hours!!). We just treated it like a normal visit and said to Dad that the doc had said the same as to him - i.e. more tests needed before deciding what was wrong. It was only a half lie. And in retrospect, I wouldn't change how we handled that - it wouldn't have helped Dad at all to know information that wasn't confirmed.

Half way through visiting my mind was wandering and I was struggling to concentrate on Dad's conversation - in fact I was looking at him and nodding but not hearing a thing. My mind was racing about what the doctor had told us.He then had to go somewhere (I forget where, maybe the loo) and while he was away mum said "It isn't good, is it?". We said no, but that we'd tell her after visiting. Dad came back and normal chit chat was resumed.

As we left the ward, it broke my heart to say goodbye to Dad and walk out of there knowing what I knew, and he didn't yet. I just about held it together for my mum, but I struggled. We got to the car and parked in a quiet corner of the car park, and there, we broke my mum's heart. The three of us cried and then drove home.

Thursday 8th February

Just waiting for Dad's nurse to call to tell us what time our appointment with the docs is. I am hoping it will be early as it's snowing here, too, and I don't want it to get too bad. It started snowing here but has stopped now and the stuff on the ground is melting. Thank goodness... at least the roads will be fine for driving to the hospital (if they ever ring us with an appointment time!!!).

This sitting and waiting bit is dreadful! Our snow melted very early today (about an hour or so after falling). We still have no concrete news from the doctors... they have ordered more tests. They seem quite puzzled as to what is causing the problem.

On the downside my dad has now got a chest infection and is feeling really poorly today (last few days he's been "ok" - chatty and stuff). Today he looked awful but while we were there they put him on IV antibiotics and also took him down for a chest x-ray. So we're still in the dark.

Email to friends on Prevention: We're still in the dark really - he's been seen by a gastric doctor who wants to have more blood tests and x-rays done before drawing any conclusions. Looks like we won't know any more until tomorrow.

Wednesday 7th February

No news here, we're going to phone the hospital at 9.30am to see if the docs have been round.

I'm hoping to get home tonight depending on what (if any) news we get. But then I don't want to get stuck over there (because of snow) and not get back over if I need to. Unfortunately there is a "mountain" range (The Pennines) separating me and my family! So in bad weather it is NOT a good drive. Americans: note that I say mountains but really they're smallish hills

Update: No results... they'll be back "within 24 hours". And no doc visit yet.I'm prob going to head home later so will try to check in when I can.

Update following afternoon visit to hospital: We didn't get good news today. I will send an email. If you don't get it, ask one of the others to forward on - I am not sure I have everyone's address.

Email to friends on Prevention: They found a lump on my dad's pancreas. They are going in next with a camera to see if there is "anything else". Not good news, we are seeing the registrar tomorrow to find out more about the scan results. Unfortunately they told my dad when he was on his own today and he had to tell us. So I saw the nurse tonight and asked to make an appointment for tomorrow and asked them not to tell him any more detail without us present.I thank you for your concern so far - can I ask for your prayers/positive thoughts or whatever over the coming days and weeks.

Comment added in May:
What happened that day was, that mum and I went in for the 3pm visit. Car park was manic (as usual) so I'd dropped mum off and followed her up. When I got to Dad's bed they were just chatting. We had a letter for dad that had arrived in the morning, and as he opened it he said "They found a lump" and his face crumpled and he started to cry. We didn't know if we'd heard correctly but he repeated it "They've seen a lump - on my pancreas". Mum got upset and I went round to the other side of Dad's bed. I'd been avoiding touching him or kissing him for the week due to my cold but he got hold of my hand. I said "Don't be scared Dad" and he said "Oh I'm not scared, it's just....". We interrupted him and I haven't yet got round to asking what he was going to say, I suppose it would be something about worrying about mum? He was saying things like "Oh well, I guess it happens to the best of them" and being really brave. We all agreed that we'd have to wait to see what the next set of tests revealed.

That night I went to my sister's house to tell her what had happened - didn't want to tell her by phone. Screwed that up a bit though, as she'd found out I was there and so feared the worst all the time she was driving home from work! Then I went to pick my brother up for evening visit and told him, too. We all were very shaken, but at some point in the evening, mum said "Look, we've got dad in his box and we don't even know what's wrong with him yet". So that calmed us down (a bit).

All through the "testing" process during his 6 weeks in hospital, Dad was patient and kept saying "Well we'll have this test and then we'll see what the next stage is" - or words to that effect. Bearing in mind that he went in on 2nd Feb, and it was 8th March before they finally pinpointed what was wrong, I think he was incredibly patient.

Tuesday 6th February

We had a bit of a palaver when we got back from the hospital yesterday afternoon! All mum's sockets had stopped working. So - no shower, no boiler, no tv, no 'puter. Nothing! Lights and oven worked, but that was all. Luckily we found a guy in the phone book who lived less than 2 miles away and he agreed to come out (he was just sitting down to eat!). He sorted it in about 20 minutes.. apparently a fault with the kettle had blown all the other sockets. So today we're off to buy a new kettle.

This morning I am going to help clear out my mum's kitchen cupboards as she has way too much stuff and wants to declutter. I've told her not to let me take any home, as I am trying to declutter too.

Dad goes for his CT scan at 3, visiting is 3-4.30, so I think I will just pop in at 4 to see if he's back, and if he's had any results. They sometimes send the results back up with the patient, or sometimes they have to wait for the radiologist to put them on the computer.

My dad was very impressed to hear that he has good wishes coming from all corners of the world! I told him "Jackie from Bermuda is very ticked off at your GP for keeping you on the laxatives for so long" and he was laughing.

I bought a blood pressure monitor in the chemists for £10... they're on special offer. So we have been playing with it. My mum's BP is up (she knows it can go high), mine was normal and my nephew's was weird! I think I must have had the cuff on him wrong as the reading was 125/36! At least I hope I had the cuff on wrong. He won't let me retest him as I hurt his arm last time by having the cuff too tight! He's heading back to college now (he calls in to see my mum during his lunch break).

Update: No results for dad yet, he's been for his scan but it is unclear when the results will come back. I guess we'll find more out tomorrow.

I have a stinking cold (I hope I don't pass it on to anyone in the hospital.)

My mum thinks I spend a lot of time on the computer.... and this is me REALLY cutting down cos of being at hers and not at home.

Monday 5th February

I'm headed over to Liverpool later to see my dad and stay over with mum. No more news on him since my last post.

Update: Dad's scan is tomorrow at 3pm, so no news. He seems a bit brighter today. His doc thinks the bloating is water retention and not a water blockage (mis-info from someone the other day!!!!!).

Comment added in May:
I was worried that there was something seriously wrong with Dad - but at this point I think I was imagining it would be colon cancer, something like that, which could be helped with surgery, chemo, radio - what ever. So before I headed over to Liverpool I renewed my annual travel insurance as we'd paid for our South Africa trip the week earlier. Felt like a bit of a Jonah doing it - but I just had an uneasy feeling about things.

Sunday 4th February

Dad had his "sigi" late last night. I called at 10pm and he'd just got back and had told the nurse that the doctor said everything seemed ok on it. So I guess it's the barium enema next, but he won't know when he's having that until the doctor comes round again today. It's that cycle of have test/wait for the doctor that is so prevalent in British hospitals!

He's getting a bit fed up of being poked and messed about with, if you know what I mean? (Given the location of said messing about!). He didn't look TOO bad when we got there last night (6.30) but by 7 his colour had changed and he look drained and tired.

If he'd had the sigi by then, I'd have gone home and left him to rest, but I was hanging around until the end of visiting at 8 just in case they took him down while we were there... then I could have waited to see him back ok. But of course, they took him down as the last visitor to theatre at 9.30pm.

So, mum will be ringing at 1pm to see if the doc has been round. We'll know more then. It's real puzzlement... there is clearly something blocking him but what, where and how they'll find it is a process of elimination.

I'm going over tomorrow, and will stay over at my mums so that I can run her around etc. for a couple of days. I'll play it by ear in terms of how long I stay.

Update: Dad is going for a CT Scan next. Hopefully tomorrow or "whenever they can get him in for it". Then they say they will probably want to do more tests on his bowels. Looks like there's no avoiding that barium enema!

The good news is that they've put him back on food and drink today (he's been nil by mouth since he went in on Friday) and last night he was saying that he was desperate for a hot milky coffee. My mum will no doubt take him a huge flask of it in when she visits this afternoon! He doesn't have much appetite but he said last night that he would have tried some food yesterday if they'd offered it. All they gave him was some wet swabs to moisten his lips!

I'm staying home today - my mum has her transport for visiting all sorted out.
Apparently the doc told him he thinks it may be water blocking his bowel. I never heard anything like it... am off to do some internet research!

Saturday 3rd February

Here is the latest. My mum phoned the ward this morning and was told that apparently dad's x-ray was "fine".

They obviously aren't planning emergency surgery today as the nurse said they didn't put him on some sort of pump they were going to (it's to do with his blood as he takes warfarin following heart surgery years ago).

Nurse said she couldn't say what the "plan" was until the doctors have been round again today. This could be anytime between now and 5-ish. It doesn't seem as if they're sending him anywhere else this morning - the doctor had said last night he might need a "special test" this morning (I am assuming that meant barium x-ray or endoscopy?). Anyway, we still are no wiser, but we're feeling slightly reassured that the x-ray seemed clear. Although I don't for a minute kid myself that x-rays would show everything. We'll see.

I'm hoping that the doc arrives during visiting hours this afternoon, and then my mum (plus whoever is with her) will be able to hear it and ask questions, too. It's still pretty scary but we have to take each stage of investigation at a time.. I'm going over to visit tonight as my sister and brother will take mum in this afternoon.

Update: Next step for Dad is to have a sigmoidoscopy (camera examination). If that doesn't reveal anything then they'll do a barium enema. I don't know when he'll have it done - he's on an emergency waiting list. He's had an enema this morning in preparation for the sigmoidoscopy.

My auntie has already told my mum how awful a barium enema is! I love my Auntie Stella, she's so comforting and reassuring at times like this.

Friday 2nd February

My dad has been sent to hospital.

Mum called the GP out this morning as she wasn't at all happy with his condition (he isn't eating, feeling very poorly). GP said she would arrange an ambulance to take him into emergency admissions to start to try to find out what is causing the problem. She said his stomach was more swollen than yesterday when she saw him.

I'm just waiting to hear from mum that he's been admitted and what will happen next. I guess the whole admissions process could take hours and then who knows when the tests will start. I am glad he's in there - we need to know what the problem is, sooner the better as far as I am concerned.

Update: They think my dad has some kind of blockage in his bowel.... he was going for an x-ray and they may need to operate quite quickly. I'm waiting for my mum or sister to update me - I've stayed here for now... if they decide to operate I'll go over and stay with my mum. On tenterhooks waiting for the phone to ring.

Update: My dad's had his x-ray and is waiting for it to be reviewed... don't know when that will be, or when he'll see a doctor.

Next update tomorrow morning. Thank you all for your good wishes, prayers and concern. Goodnight........

Thursday 1st February.

My dad is not very well at all and the doctor just keeps telling him to take the laxative sachets she gave him. Although today she did actually make arrangements to send him to the hospital for tests... his appointment will take up to 2 weeks to come through.

Mum says he is in pain, listless and feels sick at the thought of food. No doubt he's also worried sick about what might be causing this. But we won't know until he has proper investigations.

Doctor says she can't "feel anything". Not exactly sure what that means. I gave him flaxseed. I will take some psyllium over at the weekend. Mind you, nausea was a stated side effect of the laxative sachets she gave him (Movicol). Doctor said if there was a blockage then only proper tests would show it. (TMI again, sorry!)